Scrollade runt på tumblr food bilder haha, orkade inte stiga upp och göra frukost dock (framför mig väntade ett huge lass disk från igår kväll och koka kaffe + fixa frukosten ofc = allt tar 1h + att stiga upp = zombiefart )

(dock hatar jag pizza, gjort sen jag föddes, och ångrar det för det ser ju sååå gott ut, ok mikropizza SAARIOISTEN är gott men alla andra = glöm dem, fast aldrig gjort egen heller sååå ska inte dömma)

(I will write on english sometimes because I dont know if the translator works… hope you understand english though 😀 )

Haha.. Life on ”diet”, yes I follow a special diet because of the coming fitness competition. It is really hard because a week ago for many months I followed the ”gain weight-eat all the food”-plan so now it its really serious and NO FREE MEAL OR CHEATDAY!!! Crying. Haha not, because I want this so baaad. I am not hungry but like craving EEEEVERYTHING! Omg. Just look at thees pictures! maybe you look like ”disgusting”… but always if what I DONT GET TO EAT, i really want to eat haha.. And when I only eat brownies Im like, ew, i want real food, please make me some. But now I am too lazy to even cook yummy foodboxes, so it it the same rice,chicken, vegetables every meal and i really get sick of it, haha. Even the walden farms bottles are empty aaall the time and my sodium intake has limits now too. But as long as i dont need to eat something i dont like i am happy i guess! (which is har to find) So now I have a great idea (which is bad as you all know) to make a list what all food I want to eat AFTER the diet. And maybe bake a ”after-cake” if I am worth it. Yes now i think like that.. because who wants to eat a whole cake and celebrate if I dont make it? I dont mean if I dont win because that is really NOT my goal. My goal is to make it til the end, go on the stage, and be happy on the stage. Not tired, hungry, unhappy, finished and totally dead. Yes maybe a bit in a good way, but the important thing me and my trainer focus on is the health and how i feel, thats why we now gonna meet every week and talk, look at the shape and how I feel. And put in some massages, yoga, meditation and stuff like that, not only hard workouts (which they really are, omg died after the first week of the new plan, or then I am just un-used to it, but I hope and i think its growing some gains too, because I am not thaaat low on my diet, I still eat my daily calorieintake and a little bit more, but that is pretty little for me when I am used to eat like 3000-4000 kcal haha. Sorry for all the kcal, nutrition, macro talk, but It is what it is and I compete. So what else would you and I think? it is serious and yes we need to count the macros to know how my body works. (As long as I dont need to count them haha) I don’t think a girl with an eating disorder would be able to do this, she would probably break down, fall back to the sickness, get anxiety, be worried all the time and require so much of herself. I require pretty much but not as much as I used to do a few years ago, thank god. I accept my mistakes, failings, and I know I cant do everything right and the last thing I want to be is perfect, but i always wish and hoping for the best of course and to make people happy, thats a pretty big and problem for me, because I cant always make people happy, I cant never get EVERYONE happy, so why not only stop it and focus on yourself? I hate selfish people though. But thats not my business, and hate is a strong word.. I dont think I really hate them, I just think they would sometimes think about how the other person feels.

Have a great Sunday! xxx